oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
