we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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