I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
