Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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