You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
