how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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