is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Randomize
