No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
