If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
