what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
