So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
