Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
