at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
