Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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