Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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