Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
