She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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