he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
