A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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