That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
