im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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