I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
