No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
In America we eat man semen.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
