in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
