So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
