I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
