I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
