Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
