She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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