Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My boob is missing a layer of skin
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
