I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
