So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
