so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
