He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
