What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
