I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
