Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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