Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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