Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
