i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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