im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
