so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
