Pants 0. Shit 1.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
