A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
