Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
