No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The best revenge is premature balding
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
