Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
