Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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