just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
