the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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