yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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