Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
