Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
